It has been a long time since I’ve written. I took a much needed break. 2020 had so many challenges for me. As I was trying to figure out what I could take away from it all, I decided it really does not matter. What matters, really, is the here and the now.
2021 has started off with lots of tasks and things for me to take care of. Running a business is a blessing but there is so much to do. One thing that I have realized is that we can function and do well when we’re alone, but when we have to function around and with others, it becomes a little trickier. We have to find the higher ground and that does not always happen.
I seek real connections and interactions and I struggle with shallow, fake interactions. I know many of you can relate to this. Have you ever had conversations where you realize that it is all about the other person? You seek depth, connection, growth, intelligence, meaning, and truth but you know it will not happen. Phases of life are so interesting as we develop and grow. We continue to seek higher ground to step up on to learn from others as well as from within.
The last two years I feel that I had really shut my brain off. That is until I realized how much my Lyme disease had actually affected my memory and cognition. I finally had an answer to my strange lack of interest in learning and acquiring new skillsets. However, the big question for me now is where am I developmentally in my growth process?
I decided to take a writing course on-line, hoping it might trigger a deeper level of writing. Week two into the class I realized I should have waited, due to the demands I have at work. So the question is, should this be so hard? I keep gravitating to the simpler things in life: true human connections, simple things that feed the soul like being in nature, being with loved ones...
Speaking of human connections, have you ever evaluated your relationships? I mean all of them! Have you looked at who you are around? What are you offering and what are you gaining? How can you build better relationships? Not just that, but who is in your circle? Who are you sharing draining your energy on? Now don’t get me wrong, holding space for loved is much needed these days and that connection is priceless and worth it all.
One thing we know is that we can only work on ourselves. That is the only thing we can change: ourselves. So what happens when we are around others who “drain” us? How does our own attachment history surface during these interactions? Our life experiences shape our view and what we allow. But also with self-awareness that too can change.
Previously I wrote about boundaries with others. If you look back to some of my earlier writing, you will get some good ideas about boundaries. They are the key to relationships. One thing I have learned recently is that it is important to honor your self and be sacred about your needs. If you feel that your environment and the people in it are a threat, evaluate and see how things can be healed and changed for the better but if they cannot, you owe it to yourself to distance yourself.
We can build on our self and others’ strengths, but there has to be a mutual desire to grow. We can empower others but that also depends on the other person. If you are someone who likes to help, give, and support the healing, growth, and development of others, you have to be mindful of your own safety as well.
Reflect on your time with others and how you felt in certain situations. Take a curious stance and look at things from a different prospective. Avoid trying to change others. This is a big one! Again, it’s very important to avoid trying to change others. Also we can be there or choose not to be there for others. Know that you cannot be there for everyone, especially if it is to your own detriment. I cannot stress that enough.
Validate your feelings and allow yourself to validate others’ feelings as well, but know that this does not mean you have to keep exposing yourself to toxic connections or fake friendships. I use the term “cleaning out my closet” in my human connections as well. When we seek truth or wisdom we need to develop a mutual and respectful environment in all aspects with people. Develop solutions where problems exist by collaborating with others to gain growth and find those solutions. However, after all this has been said, do not be afraid to cut off attachments you have developed that are simply not healthy for you.
So for 2021, I encourage you to challenge yourself, as I challenge myself, to seek authentic relationships so you can look forward to being in the now each moment with each individual. Give yourself permission to really connect with empathy and a curious mind. Be teachable, be willing to change, be willing to respect yourself enough to say “enough” when needed. We are social beings and need connections to others but we can choose those connections based on each circumstance.
Relationships vary and so do the interactions. We have family, which to me is so sacred. But family, also, has its challenges and need for evaluation on how to strengthen bonds and sometimes even heal them. We invest a lot in these people. Reflect, validate, and acknowledge your feelings with each one of them.. We have professional relationships, where the expectations are much higher because they are not of a personal nature.
We also have “friendships” and then we have FRIENDSHIPS. Did that make you think a bit? Good. It really should. Just because we use the term “friend” doesn’t meant that someone is really your friend. Think about that....I will leave you with this simply because I want you to start looking at your relationships and TRUST... Who do you really trust to have authentic connections with? Let this year be a transformative year on how you view self in relation to others and break the “roles” placed on you in order to develop a strong sense of self worth according to who you are now. I love this:
“A reason, a season, or a lifetime.” When you know better make better choises but forgive yourself what you didn’t know and for what you allowed...